There is a reason I came out here.
A reason, why now.
This day, this time.
A memory of you.
A physical reminder.
This gentleman wearing a cap.
The people we meet are for a reason.
The air noticeably cools now I am sitting here alone.
It was hot a few moments ago,
The sun’s rays burning through my jeans.
Perhaps this too, is a sign.
A sign that this was enough.
A sign to say, ‘It is time now. You can go.’
It’s like they were the sun,
and I’m afraid of the dark
It is difficult to see you as anything less than a positive light,
Even when you aren’t feeling quite right,
Everything is temporary,
You just gotta get through it.
By W.H. Auden
( https://allpoetry.com/Funeral-Blues )
The Body (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
January 22, 2001
Written by:Joss Whedon
( http://www.buffyworld.com/buffy/scripts/094_scri.html )
Anya: Are they gonna cut the body open?
Willow: Oh my God! Would you just… stop talking? Just… shut your mouth! Please!
Anya: What am I doing?
Willow: How can you act like that?
Anya: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? Is that the helpful thing to do?
Willow: The way you behave—
Anya: Nobody will tell me.
Willow: Because it’s not okay for you to be asking these things!
Anya: But I don’t understand! I don’t understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she’s, there’s just a body, and I don’t understand why she just can’t get back in it and not be dead anymore! It’s stupid! It’s mortal and stupid! And, and Xander’s crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she’ll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.
Willow: We don’t know… how it works… why.
( http://www.buffyguide.com/episodes/body/bodyquotes.shtml )
( http://www.pfspublishing.com/bookclub/2012/03/great-quotes-buffy-the-vampire-slayers-anya-on-death.html )
Nayyirah Waheed (Author)
“She has missed so many moments but I feel that those moments would not have happened if she had not been up there.”
– Sandra Bullock
I am sad a lot. I get asked if I am okay, several times a day. Each time my response is the same, “Yeah, just tired.”
There is no one thing, there is nothing. No main reason for such sadness, it just is.
This year – 2018 – will be the year that I write down one positive thing each day. So that by the end of the year I can look back at all the wonderful things that have happened to me and feel grateful for them.
This year I will try to be my best self, even on the worst days.
9 years and not a scratch. It never goes away – the thought. It follows me everywhere. Perhaps not every day, but on the bad days. On the days where I don’t wish to speak or communicate, I reach for the blade. Holding it in my palm, I feel the scratch upon my skin. Never again. Do NOT. Holding it helps, feeling the blade without any actual harm. My brain is fighting against itself.
No. Do not.
For 9 years, I have managed. I have found strength I did not know I had.
One day at a time.