That Village

They say you know who is true when life gets hard.

The ones who stand forward are the ones who have always been there..

But sometimes, it’s the ones you least expect.

Not because you misjudged their character or their morals

But because they maybe aren’t with you in your every day lives.

All of these people, both the constant and the infrequent

Deserve an acknowledgement,

Some words of thanks.

Sometimes the people who show up

Are not the ones you would have expected.

They say it takes a village to raise a child…

I am that child,

and I am grateful, in this moment, for that village.

Silence

The silence was literally deafening,

The read receipt reads 15:48,

The time ticking by slowly as you count the minutes of silence,

5

6

10

And the clock keeps ticking,

And the silence stays silent.

Behaviour

Nowhere to Hide

Closure
Is that too much to ask?
One simple question
Is all that I have.
Manipulations and deniability are not welcome here.
Never
I have left things be
Always brushed it under the carpet
Constantly; daily.
But,
now the carpet has disappeared and now there is nowhere for it to hide.

Clear Your Mind

Photographs taken by me: ©ChloeMarshall

Speak Up

(https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6394270/)

I have always been one for the true stories that get put out there via Hollywood movies. I like to learn things, I like to hear the truth and feel the emotions that are provoked because of it. I like to look into the story, the people, the real life ones and I like to remember the story and know what it is that I learnt from it.

Speak up.

The lesson from this film (to me) was: Speak up. Have women’s backs. Stand tall.

I have just watched this – belatedly – and have within the next 24 hours seen this (https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/sep/17/donald-trump-accused-of-sexual-assault-by-former-model-amy-dorris?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other ) on my Twitter feed.

Let’s hope the truth of whatever this is, is found. Another man in power. How many more men like this are out there? How many women are there out there – too afraid to speak up…

Pandemic Annoyances

In my life, there have been times where I have had restrictions. Times where I have not left the house for long periods of time. Times where I have been isolated.

This has given me a slight advantage when dealing with this pandemic. It has meant that my anxiety stayed low, I was not ‘freaking out’ and I was able to take it all in my stride.

However…

Now, I am fed up and annoyed. I can be a little bit of a control freak – this means that I am starting to twitch at the fact that we are potentially once again having choice taken away. I live in a City where the number of cases are currently (apparently) increasing. This means that the City is now on some naughty list to be watched and potentially sent into another lockdown. There has been mention of Marshal presence. There has been a limitation on how many people you can and cannot see and where you can see them. Unless you’re at work or school…

Everyone is saying “Christmas may be cancelled.”

Travel restrictions may be put into place. Again. So now I can be once again separated from my mum until the government says otherwise? Or can I see her because there’s only me, my partner and her? Or can I only travel when it’s essential? What is essential? And who says what is essential travel for me?

Families are only able to come together for Christmas if there are 6 or less people present… Well, what about those of us that don’t have enough family to be able to count past 2? Are we allowed to travel to see our family?

Making people give their details when they go out publicly to socialise so track and trace can be completed… Yes, okay… but why now? Why not enforce that one right from the start?

We also might be given a 10pm curfew – who and how is that about to be enforced? What about people who work the late shift or do nights? Do they need to carry their work rota with them as proof they’ve been to or are going to work? Because anyone can carry a badge – I have a badge. I could carry that with me and claim that I’m doing a late shift… who is to know if I actually am doing a late shift or if I’m off to meet my 20 pals?

Eat out to help out was encouraging everyone to go back out and meet in groups to help put money back into the economy and now that we’ve done that, we’re being told to go stay indoors. We do as we’re told and then get told we’re causing the virus to surge again.

If you socialise in a group of more than 6 people, you’re breaking the law (from 14th September) and will be fined. But not if you’re at work or in education. Can we not catch it at work or school?

(https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/09/10/new-social-gathering-rules-what-can-cant-do-monday/)

Happinessisnowhere

The things you remember… I remember being asked to read a piece of paper that had written on it: ‘happinessisnowhere’ and to say out loud what it said… “Happiness is nowhere.”
“My daughter showed me this… look again at the words… happinessisnowhere and now when I sepearate them… happiness/is/now/here…”

“It’s all about your mindset.”

This was something that I was introduced to in 2010, that I shared on facebook. It stayed with me. So much so that I named this blog after it.

Please

“Please, don’t.
I’m tired, I need to sleep tonight.
I have plans tomorrow.
Please.
Not tonight.
I’ll do anything if you fade off.
Just please,
Not tonight.”

#anxiety

As a ‘Writer’…

As a ‘writer’, I find inspiration in everyday life. My mind is constantly writing – looking for things I can borrow from. The earth, the universe, strangers, family, friends, loved ones… I find stories in most things, every day. I find myself narrating in my own mind, more times than I can count – most times without even realising. I mentally write stories about things that never even make it onto the page. Every day. Like an addiction. I write without even being conscious of it, it is within me. It is my nature. I observe and I see. I have a mind cramed full of words. But then I don’t. Social situations are not my nature. They are mostly difficult, with rare exceptions. Talking to talk, is not my nature. Talking about myself openly and without prompting is not my nature. But writing. Writing is like a cool breeze on the hottest day of the year. It is a relief. A hope. A wish. Writing is everything. The weights of the world lift off my shoulders as soon as my fingers run across the keyboard. The scratch of a pen against paper fills my soul with such lightness, it makes my breath stop.

The feeling of that last sentence. Of pulling everything together neatly, of feeling that closure… Of getting to have the last word. Just this once… or until the next time that my fingers meet the keyboard.