In These Times of Uncertainty

I have always loved writing, loved words, loved watching films and TV and getting taken away by the people living within them.

The feeling of being engrossed, the feeling of excitement, of butterflies… I love it all.

Tonight, as I sit here with my YouTube playlist automatically playing in the background, a familiar video appears… Bad Girls: Helen Stewart. It is one I admittedly have not seen in quite some time as my Bad Girls obsession came to a natural simmer as I went from teenager to adult.

…and here lies the meaning for such a random post:

The video brought back memories and feelings. The feeling of excitement and of being so enthralled and captured by something that made me feel so alive. How can a TV show do that? It amazes me now. I very rarely get so taken in by a TV show or a film that I’m sitting there glued to the screen. This show, however, always manages to glue me.

Years after the series ended and even more years after fans said goodbye to Helen Stewart, I still wonder what it was that made us Bad Girls fans so loyal.

The show offered me such a strong feeling of meaningfulness and togetherness. Something that I very much needed when I first discovered the show in my adolescence. The struggle of identity and of seeing Helen’s passion and fire for wanting to do the right thing and to get justice for Nikki was something that caused me to feel empowered and wanting to take on the whole world.

The writing, the people, the realness… This show had it all and while things have moved on and changed over the years, this show can still hold its own.

I am not often in awe of things these days, but tonight I had that feeling of butterflies and excitement at seeing characters that I always held so dearly.

In these times of uncertainty, of lockdowns and madness, I hope you all find something to feel alive about. No matter how small or silly.

To be transported back to a time where I felt such love and admiration for the character of Helen Stewart, that she has always stayed with me. Sometimes things have no explanation and sometimes no explanation is needed.

Stay safe.

That Village

They say you know who is true when life gets hard.

The ones who stand forward are the ones who have always been there..

But sometimes, it’s the ones you least expect.

Not because you misjudged their character or their morals

But because they maybe aren’t with you in your every day lives.

All of these people, both the constant and the infrequent

Deserve an acknowledgement,

Some words of thanks.

Sometimes the people who show up

Are not the ones you would have expected.

They say it takes a village to raise a child…

I am that child,

and I am grateful, in this moment, for that village.

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In 2012, I was one of your students. I spent 2 months sitting in the back of your classroom, shyly taking in every word. I slowly became in awe and appreciative of your work ethic. When another student touched me inappropriately I had no idea how to react and was worried that I had somehow encouraged him. It wasn’t something that I was wanting to acknowledge or to confide in any one that it had happened. Then one day you asked me how I was and even when I said I was ‘okay’, you still enquired again. I was a very shy, sheltered young woman who was not used to being in such an environment as college. The experience was an overwhelming one, it lead me to leave my media course, the friends I had made and the choice to carry on regardless. I ran away.

Since then, I have come a long way. I tried to get a job, it didn’t go well but I persevered. I enrolled into college to take my GCSE’s and did a BTEC, that did go well and I walked away proud. I spent a year hopping from work experience, to volunteering, to traineeships and had many different valuable experiences. You have always flittered in and out of my thoughts and I wonder if you would recognise me now.

Your positive, honest attitude and brilliant work ethic is something that I have been silently trying to aim for within myself. You appeared to be such an independent strong woman – it seemed to be the perfect aspiration.

It can be amazing, to think of the people who stay with you, who make a large impression upon you. The people who are most likely unaware that they have made such an impression.

If my memory serves me correctly, you teach English. I wonder what your opinion would be on the things that I have penned. I wonder if I shall have the courage to send this to you or if I shall just post it into the void that is the internet.

Whichever happens, I hope this brings a smile to your face. To know that you do have a positive impact on your students and that they go on to carry it with them long after they leave your classroom.

Kind regards,