You would think I’d have had enough. All of the assignments, the lectures, the stress. Yet, I have spent all day waiting for 5pm. Not for the rest or the break away from work, but for writing.
The relief of knowing I no longer have restrictions placed on my writing to be academic, to be reflective. I can write to enjoy it, write to unwind. The joy of it, the satisfaction of the words coming together and all of it making sense in the end… I have missed it.
Life has taken over and it has taken ‘writing for pleasure’ away from me. Instead, all I have had is writing to meet the domains, to tick boxes on that ever-growing list of things that University ask of us.
I have missed this. I have missed my laptop, missed choosing the font that I want and not the font that University insists we use. All of the little things that make up the bigger ones.
I have missed the freedom of my own truth, my own words, my own self.
I welcome writing back into my life with open arms.
Until the next time.
“Once I stopped worrying so much about pleasing others, once I decided to let myself off the hook, I realised I could fly.”
“But here’s the secret: the lows don’t last any longer than the highs do.”
“In the meantime, perform every job as though you’re being well paid… Respect yourself and your work as you would if you was being paid to be the boss, and I bet you’ll climb the ladder even faster.”
“Don’t wait until you’re on Broadway. Or until you reach the Olympics. Or until you’re CEO of a major company. Don’t wait until you’re the president of something, or for the day when your life looks perfect to you and everyone you know.”
“Don’t be perfect. Just be done.”
“Love yourself, and what you’re doing, even if you’re not yet at the place you hope to land.”
“Whether you have top billing, or you’re still dancing in the back row, you are enough, just as you are.”
They say you know who is true when life gets hard.
The ones who stand forward are the ones who have always been there..
But sometimes, it’s the ones you least expect.
Not because you misjudged their character or their morals
But because they maybe aren’t with you in your every day lives.
All of these people, both the constant and the infrequent
Deserve an acknowledgement,
Some words of thanks.
Sometimes the people who show up
Are not the ones you would have expected.
They say it takes a village to raise a child…
I am that child,
and I am grateful, in this moment, for that village.
As a ‘writer’, I find inspiration in everyday life. My mind is constantly writing – looking for things I can borrow from. The earth, the universe, strangers, family, friends, loved ones… I find stories in most things, every day. I find myself narrating in my own mind, more times than I can count – most times without even realising. I mentally write stories about things that never even make it onto the page. Every day. Like an addiction. I write without even being conscious of it, it is within me. It is my nature. I observe and I see. I have a mind cramed full of words. But then I don’t. Social situations are not my nature. They are mostly difficult, with rare exceptions. Talking to talk, is not my nature. Talking about myself openly and without prompting is not my nature. But writing. Writing is like a cool breeze on the hottest day of the year. It is a relief. A hope. A wish. Writing is everything. The weights of the world lift off my shoulders as soon as my fingers run across the keyboard. The scratch of a pen against paper fills my soul with such lightness, it makes my breath stop.
The feeling of that last sentence. Of pulling everything together neatly, of feeling that closure… Of getting to have the last word. Just this once… or until the next time that my fingers meet the keyboard.
And when the rain fell, they looked at each other and they laughed. Running through puddles, pushing and pulling at each other as they ran. Their laughter was loud and happiness radiated from their eyes. To live in the moment was a miraculous thing.
And then with 5 little words, the stresses were gone. The words came out of nowhere, from somewhere behind her and were so very much familiar… and British, that she actually felt herself sigh.
“Stick the kettle on, then.”
And then the whistle blew, the results were in and everyone sat there waiting. There could be only one. The weight of the world was on everyone’s shoulders. Until the name was drawn and the weight of the people passed over onto the chosen one.
And then the knife slid through the silk scarf as though it was butter. It would have been beautiful to watch if it wasn’t such an obvious threat.
And then the sky turned red and the people stood in awe. There was peace throughout the land. Finally it was over.