I have returned ‘home’ – to my mother’s house.
To start this time off well, to hit the ground running – I set off to Church this morning.
I thought a calming and comforting environment would be nice, maybe one or two familiar faces that I would not be opposed to seeing.
I found myself surrounded by people who knew me, knew my grandparents and who greeted me with large smiles.
I had not expected to be approached by the vicar and asked to play a role, “would you like to be a soldier?” I had not expected to say yes, to be thankful and grateful for being asked. A reading took place, everyone had a role to play, a few lines to read.
Speaking out loud is not my cup of tea. For a while as a teenager, I was mute. Speaking out loud in public situations is sometimes still difficult. But I did it and I did it loudly.
The morning was spent being much more sociable than I had expected it to be, a whole morning of;
“How are you, Chloe?”
“Nice to see you, Chloe!”
“How are you enjoying University?”
I almost made someone cry. She had not heard I had moved, that I had got into University. Her joy was shown in the many hugs she could not stop giving me, in the misty eyes looking into mine and in her words, “everything comes around eventually, Chloe. Hearing this has just made my day!”
I did not know what I was expecting, but the unexpected was perhaps the best thing that could have happened. I feel as though I have a little more breath in my lungs and as though a part of me has fallen back into place.
I feel so proud for speaking aloud and being able to hold a conversation with people. Something that I would not have managed quite so effortlessly just a few short months ago.