That Village

They say you know who is true when life gets hard.

The ones who stand forward are the ones who have always been there..

But sometimes, it’s the ones you least expect.

Not because you misjudged their character or their morals

But because they maybe aren’t with you in your every day lives.

All of these people, both the constant and the infrequent

Deserve an acknowledgement,

Some words of thanks.

Sometimes the people who show up

Are not the ones you would have expected.

They say it takes a village to raise a child…

I am that child,

and I am grateful, in this moment, for that village.

Silence

The silence was literally deafening,

The read receipt reads 15:48,

The time ticking by slowly as you count the minutes of silence,

5

6

10

And the clock keeps ticking,

And the silence stays silent.

Nowhere to Hide

Closure
Is that too much to ask?
One simple question
Is all that I have.
Manipulations and deniability are not welcome here.
Never
I have left things be
Always brushed it under the carpet
Constantly; daily.
But,
now the carpet has disappeared and now there is nowhere for it to hide.

Keep Climbing

“There’s a wall in front of you.
It’s tall, it towers over you.
You have to climb it.
In order for you to get to where you want, you have to get to the other side.
So start climbing.
You will fall, at some point.
It’s inevitable.
But does that mean you give up?
If someone drags you down, do you stay down?
No matter what, you climb.
And you do not stop until you are on the other side of that wall!
You do not quit.
Do you understand?
People will always try to stop you or distract you.
But you just keep climbing.
You don’t ever give up on reaching the other side of that wall!”

I Wished For You, Too

The years have been hard,
A dullness, a dark room without any light.

Hands always stretching out ahead, chasing,
Everything always just out of reach.

I thought of you when I needed some colour in the darkness,
A flash of hope, of what I might one day find.

I always had you in the back of my mind, a faceless silhouette,
An imaginary hand to hold, someone to have my back.

Always a hope, an imaginary person who could never exist,
A mind broken and unrepairable, always wanting the impossible.

A decade later and I found ways to light up my own self,
Ways to heal my own soul.

My imaginary person no longer a hope to be held onto,
A dream lost, acceptance and independence taking its place.

A few more years come to pass,
A complete loss of hope, of self.

A change of scenery,
A new found freedom, new beginnings.

A new person,
Appearing out of nowhere, a shock to the system.

Like a breath of fresh air, a sudden cold shower,
Life was no longer just a dim light, colours were returning.

So many words, positive and freeing,
Butterflies and rainbows and everything else in between.

Nights spent talking, sharing,
Happiness no longer seemingly out of reach.

Fate always finds a way,
Destiny, it seems, cannot be avoided.

Sappho

I loved you, Atthis, years ago,
when my youth was still all flowers
and sighs, and you — you seemed to me
such a small ungainly girl.

Can you forget what happened before?

If so, then I’ll remind you how, while lying
beside me, you wove a garland of crocuses
which I then braided into strands of your hair.
And once, when you’d plaited a double necklace
from a hundred blooms, I tied it around
the swanning, sun-licked ring of your neck.
And on more than one occasion (there were two
of them, to be exact), while I looked on, too
silent with adoration to say your name,
you glazed your breasts and arms with oil.
No holy place existed without us then,
no woodland, no dance, no sound.

Beyond all hope, I prayed those timeless
days we spent might be made twice as long.

I prayed one word: I want.

Someone, I tell you, will remember us,
even in another time.

( https://public.wsu.edu/~delahoyd/mythology/sappho.html )

4 Years

On this day.
The clock stopped,
It read – 16.10
Such a sudden shock to the atmosphere,
It stopped time.

The day before.
A feeling,
It was 19.15
A jolt of realisation,
Calm acceptance.

The happiest of days,
All day until 18.00
A phone call,
Devastation.

Unnoticed

The bangs of the cannon can be heard from the walk up
A smell in the air that baffles my brain as it tries to place it
The canal, calm, as people walk and the taxi boat floats by
There is a plane up ahead; I wonder when it will be me up there looking down
Parents and children walk with tired intention
Another milestone achieved, silently unnoticed.
Even by me.

Anxiety is

Anxiety is: not catching your breath
Anxiety is: not wanting to move
Anxiety is: needing to move
Anxiety is: taking sugar in your tea, but not reaching over to lift it from the pot
Anxiety is: shaking so much that the whole world seems to move on its axis
Anxiety is: fingers placed in ears, on eyes, on neck
Anxiety is: digging nails into legs just to have something else to focus on
Anxiety is