Relief

There is a sigh of relief,

The last of 3500 words,

The last assignment,

The end of a long 3 years.

A breath of fresh air fills the lungs,

Time for a quick rest,

Time for me,

Time to write.

In These Times of Uncertainty

I have always loved writing, loved words, loved watching films and TV and getting taken away by the people living within them.

The feeling of being engrossed, the feeling of excitement, of butterflies… I love it all.

Tonight, as I sit here with my YouTube playlist automatically playing in the background, a familiar video appears… Bad Girls: Helen Stewart. It is one I admittedly have not seen in quite some time as my Bad Girls obsession came to a natural simmer as I went from teenager to adult.

…and here lies the meaning for such a random post:

The video brought back memories and feelings. The feeling of excitement and of being so enthralled and captured by something that made me feel so alive. How can a TV show do that? It amazes me now. I very rarely get so taken in by a TV show or a film that I’m sitting there glued to the screen. This show, however, always manages to glue me.

Years after the series ended and even more years after fans said goodbye to Helen Stewart, I still wonder what it was that made us Bad Girls fans so loyal.

The show offered me such a strong feeling of meaningfulness and togetherness. Something that I very much needed when I first discovered the show in my adolescence. The struggle of identity and of seeing Helen’s passion and fire for wanting to do the right thing and to get justice for Nikki was something that caused me to feel empowered and wanting to take on the whole world.

The writing, the people, the realness… This show had it all and while things have moved on and changed over the years, this show can still hold its own.

I am not often in awe of things these days, but tonight I had that feeling of butterflies and excitement at seeing characters that I always held so dearly.

In these times of uncertainty, of lockdowns and madness, I hope you all find something to feel alive about. No matter how small or silly.

To be transported back to a time where I felt such love and admiration for the character of Helen Stewart, that she has always stayed with me. Sometimes things have no explanation and sometimes no explanation is needed.

Stay safe.

New Year – New Lockdown

With all the well wishes and all of the “Happy New Year” messages that came flooding in, full of hope for a better year… I made two promises to myself: Drink more water (juice) and find ways to remain calm.

So far, so good. My ‘promises’ are not ones which can be taken away from me due to a national lockdown – which means no excuses.

I am eating fruit more, drinking less caffeinated, carbonated drinks and I have started doing Tai Chi.

Following along to some YouTube videos and feeling a bit of happiness that I am learning something new, in a time where not much of anything in the world is new, is a nice enough feeling.

Another lockdown brings with it more of the same repetitiveness that we have had since March 2020 – almost 1 full year.

But maybe we can create our own positives. Or at least try to. A little bit of Tai Chi every other day and some positive goals that I am determined to achieve is my own little way of trying to do better.

Hopefully the end is near for this Coronavirus pandemic. Hopefully some time spent doing new things (even from the mundane comfort of home) can help this year be a more positive one.

In Conclusion, Don’t Worry About It

“Once I stopped worrying so much about pleasing others, once I decided to let myself off the hook, I realised I could fly.”

“But here’s the secret: the lows don’t last any longer than the highs do.”

“In the meantime, perform every job as though you’re being well paid… Respect yourself and your work as you would if you was being paid to be the boss, and I bet you’ll climb the ladder even faster.”

“Don’t wait until you’re on Broadway. Or until you reach the Olympics. Or until you’re CEO of a major company. Don’t wait until you’re the president of something, or for the day when your life looks perfect to you and everyone you know.”

“Don’t be perfect. Just be done.”

“Love yourself, and what you’re doing, even if you’re not yet at the place you hope to land.”

“Whether you have top billing, or you’re still dancing in the back row, you are enough, just as you are.”

50k May

So, this month – exercise!

I have been walking a little more, done a very occasional jog and even tried my hand at some basketball… After 2 hours of trying to dribble and shoot hoops – we were done! Time flies when you’re having fun but I can assure you, time definitely does not fly the following day when everything hurts and you can barely walk!

WhatsApp Image 2020-05-13 at 13.45.09

I am also trying to raise funds for life-changing research into multiple sclerosis!

Sponsor me

Many thanks,

Stay safe!

 

What Was Already Known

The music is loud and the crowd even louder. Voices everywhere, an irritating mumble of everyone’s words blending into one monotone sound and yet she still hears every single word as if they were surrounded by silence.

            “Who would have ever thought it!”

The conversation had been a positive one, one where she had bragged and taken credit for her achievements and how far she has come. The conversation, was worth more than that response. She was worth more than that response. Those eyes in front of her, so full of jealousy and that bitter smirk only proved to cement what she already knew – ‘I don’t want her around me’.

 

Keep Climbing

“There’s a wall in front of you.
It’s tall, it towers over you.
You have to climb it.
In order for you to get to where you want, you have to get to the other side.
So start climbing.
You will fall, at some point.
It’s inevitable.
But does that mean you give up?
If someone drags you down, do you stay down?
No matter what, you climb.
And you do not stop until you are on the other side of that wall!
You do not quit.
Do you understand?
People will always try to stop you or distract you.
But you just keep climbing.
You don’t ever give up on reaching the other side of that wall!”

Something Positive to Focus on

March is the time for having a healthy sleep routine – to be strict with myself on what time I put my phone onto silent and switch off the TV.

March was the time of placement – the next step in my degree. Working closely with vulnerable people within a service that is both terrifying and exciting and loving every second.

‘Working’ 9-4, 5 days a week – longer when given my own caseload – had me feeling very motivated and gave me a feeling of purpose.

The threat of CoronaVirus has put this experience on hold, hopefully temporarily, which has left me with a frustration that has caused tears to fall.

But I am sleeping, which is something positive to focus on. No matter how small this achievement, no matter how insignificant, I have done it.

Vitamins

January was a month of medications. I decided to stick with vitamins C and D and won spectacularly!

I had days where life took over and a vitamin C was missed – however almost every single day of January saw me taking the time to grab some vitamins. And I felt so much better for it.

On an odd occasion where I felt the sniffles approaching – nothing developed. I feel healthier and I feel as though my immunity is slowly improving.

Off to an amazing start this year – 2020 is the year I start taking notice and positively impacting upon it. This year I shall not ignore anything to do with my health and I shall work to ensure that I make the effort required.

My Thing

December was a month of feeling like I needed to find my own thing.

The previous month had been one that had seen me trying something I had been thinking of doing for quite some time, based off the positive enforcement of several people around me.

December was a month of thought, of honesty, of finding something that felt like me.

I found Yoga.

I did the Yoga.

I enjoyed the Yoga.

I found a thing that could potentially become one of ‘my things’.

This is definitely a thing to take with me into 2020, something to enjoy and to take seriously.

December was a month that ended positively.

A positive end to my trial run of trying to make changes to my life.

 

May 2020 be a year of radiant success!