In These Times of Uncertainty

I have always loved writing, loved words, loved watching films and TV and getting taken away by the people living within them.

The feeling of being engrossed, the feeling of excitement, of butterflies… I love it all.

Tonight, as I sit here with my YouTube playlist automatically playing in the background, a familiar video appears… Bad Girls: Helen Stewart. It is one I admittedly have not seen in quite some time as my Bad Girls obsession came to a natural simmer as I went from teenager to adult.

…and here lies the meaning for such a random post:

The video brought back memories and feelings. The feeling of excitement and of being so enthralled and captured by something that made me feel so alive. How can a TV show do that? It amazes me now. I very rarely get so taken in by a TV show or a film that I’m sitting there glued to the screen. This show, however, always manages to glue me.

Years after the series ended and even more years after fans said goodbye to Helen Stewart, I still wonder what it was that made us Bad Girls fans so loyal.

The show offered me such a strong feeling of meaningfulness and togetherness. Something that I very much needed when I first discovered the show in my adolescence. The struggle of identity and of seeing Helen’s passion and fire for wanting to do the right thing and to get justice for Nikki was something that caused me to feel empowered and wanting to take on the whole world.

The writing, the people, the realness… This show had it all and while things have moved on and changed over the years, this show can still hold its own.

I am not often in awe of things these days, but tonight I had that feeling of butterflies and excitement at seeing characters that I always held so dearly.

In these times of uncertainty, of lockdowns and madness, I hope you all find something to feel alive about. No matter how small or silly.

To be transported back to a time where I felt such love and admiration for the character of Helen Stewart, that she has always stayed with me. Sometimes things have no explanation and sometimes no explanation is needed.

Stay safe.

Day 28

And when the rain fell, they looked at each other and they laughed. Running through puddles, pushing and pulling at each other as they ran. Their laughter was loud and happiness radiated from their eyes. To live in the moment was a miraculous thing.

Day 21

And then with 5 little words, the stresses were gone. The words came out of nowhere, from somewhere behind her and were so very much familiar… and British, that she actually felt herself sigh.

“Stick the kettle on, then.”

Day 19

And then the whistle blew, the results were in and everyone sat there waiting. There could be only one. The weight of the world was on everyone’s shoulders. Until the name was drawn and the weight of the people passed over onto the chosen one.

Day 13

And it was only in nature that she saw them. It was never from peering out the window or walking down the street. She knew that in order to see them, she had  to make that effort. The walk was quiet, up the hill and past all the townhouses with their chimney’s smoking and up through the snicket. The woodlands was alive with birdsong, the air filled with magic and secrets.

And it was here, always here, that she saw them.

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Day 11

And she looked around, took in a huge breath of clean air and jumped. The mountain was high and her board left a wave of snow behind her. Her mind was silent, her body moving so effortlessly down the slopes… is this what heaven feels like…?

Day 8

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And as the carriage sidles up to the door, the wheel snags on the cobbles. The lone passenger corrects his hat, moving it back down over his eyes, slanted slightly to one side. Moving his hand, he reaches through the carriage window for the door handle. There is only one thought running through his mind as his foot finally hits familiar cobble: home.  

Day 1

And then just like that, her head was calm.

The past stopped haunting her, the memories of people long gone, left.

And then just like that, she was home.