In These Times of Uncertainty

I have always loved writing, loved words, loved watching films and TV and getting taken away by the people living within them.

The feeling of being engrossed, the feeling of excitement, of butterflies… I love it all.

Tonight, as I sit here with my YouTube playlist automatically playing in the background, a familiar video appears… Bad Girls: Helen Stewart. It is one I admittedly have not seen in quite some time as my Bad Girls obsession came to a natural simmer as I went from teenager to adult.

…and here lies the meaning for such a random post:

The video brought back memories and feelings. The feeling of excitement and of being so enthralled and captured by something that made me feel so alive. How can a TV show do that? It amazes me now. I very rarely get so taken in by a TV show or a film that I’m sitting there glued to the screen. This show, however, always manages to glue me.

Years after the series ended and even more years after fans said goodbye to Helen Stewart, I still wonder what it was that made us Bad Girls fans so loyal.

The show offered me such a strong feeling of meaningfulness and togetherness. Something that I very much needed when I first discovered the show in my adolescence. The struggle of identity and of seeing Helen’s passion and fire for wanting to do the right thing and to get justice for Nikki was something that caused me to feel empowered and wanting to take on the whole world.

The writing, the people, the realness… This show had it all and while things have moved on and changed over the years, this show can still hold its own.

I am not often in awe of things these days, but tonight I had that feeling of butterflies and excitement at seeing characters that I always held so dearly.

In these times of uncertainty, of lockdowns and madness, I hope you all find something to feel alive about. No matter how small or silly.

To be transported back to a time where I felt such love and admiration for the character of Helen Stewart, that she has always stayed with me. Sometimes things have no explanation and sometimes no explanation is needed.

Stay safe.

Dear You

I always felt like you’ve known me,
I thought of you when I got lonely,
Now there’s nothing else I can do,
This is me reaching out to you
Dear you, I hope you don’t mind me writing, ’cause it’s been some time since we last spoke,
I hope you’re doing more than fine, damn all that time I don’t know where it goes,
Man I bet there’s been some change and in my brain you’ve been doing so well,
I know It’s important, I know I haven’t called but, tell me all there is to tell
I always felt like you’ve known me,
I thought of you when I got lonely,
Now there’s nothing else I can do,
This is me reaching out to you
Dear you, it looks like you must have moved house, the last address I got for you was time ago now,
You’re probably in Spain or the states no doubt, in school I always knew that it was you who’d get out,
I heard you dumped Christeen but that was probably what, 2003,
I bet you’ve got a super hot wife or three, you were always such a player when we were sixteen,
I hope our paths cross sometime, I can’t seem to find your profile online,
Drop me a call, any day or night is fine because I’d love to see your face after such a long time
I always felt like you’ve known me,
I thought of you when I got lonely,
Now there’s nothing else I can do,
This is me reaching out to you
Dear you, me again, obviously it’s a letter, it’s weird writing these to you makes me feel better,
‘Cause sometimes when it’s dark or it’s really bad weather, I feel like I might just feel down forever,
Last night I really felt that might have been it, like I just couldn’t deal with any more shit,
I wanted to disappear and if I think that I did, it would be at least a week before it went noticed,
I wanna go back, back to when we were kids, when we didn’t know pain could feel like this,
When we didn’t know hurt and we didn’t know risk but we all grew up and I guess that’s it,
I always felt like you’ve known me,
I thought of you when I got lonely,
Now there’s nothing else I can do,
This is me reaching out to you
Dear you, it’s strange how quickly we can lose sight, I called your old landline late last night,
I remembered those numbers since ’99, anyway suppose I called because you hadn’t replied,
I got through to your parents, they were so surprised, they asked me if I still lived down park drive,
I got the worst feeling when I heard your dad cry, when your mum took the phone and went outside,
Man, she told me how hard you tried, that it didn’t work out with your kids and wife,
I nearly dropped the phone and had tears in my eyes, when she said, you took your own life last July.
I always felt like I’d known you,
I never thought you would be lonely,
Now there’s nothing else I can do,
This is me reaching out to you.
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: LUCY MAYM SPRAGGAN
Dear You lyrics © Cooking Vinyl Publishing

Crunch It

August has felt like a bit of an odd month, neither here nor there.

I’m starting to lose my willpower now, my motivation to do something new each month is severely lacking.

I decided to try exercise, to crunch, every so often. I had initially thought every other day but then that did not happen.

I walk a lot – living in the City so I made a compromise… on the days where I am home and not walking 3+ miles a day, I will crunch.

Despite watching countless YouTube videos on how to crunch appropriately, I am still unsure if I am actually crunching, or just doing sit ups – either way, it ticks the box.

 

One Day

You always told me, “One day…”
Trying in vain to prepare me for these days.

In the early days, I notice your hat is still there – I make a mental note to ask if I can keep it,
But then in the blink of an eye – it is gone.

I take your collection of ties without waiting for a better time,
Folding them up neatly in a bag.

I think of the sadness in your eyes whenever you spoke of a family who was long since gone,
Always preparing me for, “One day…”

I never expected ‘one day’ would feel like this,
Never imagined I would understand so accurately that sadness I saw within you.

Weeks later, we are standing outside our house,
We are all here, waiting.

Liz announces the arrival of the hearse with a deafening, “He’s here.”
Nic and I lose composure, eyes dropping immediately to our feet.

I sit in the funeral car, with your daughters – the magnitude of that moment hits hard,
I am the only grandchild in the car and I wonder, does that not speak volumes?

The house is empty,
I am showing prospective buyers around.

They want to change everything – strip it bare and start anew,
I want to drag them out but instead, I just remove myself.

“One day, I won’t be here anymore. You’ll be telling your grandchildren about me like I am telling you about mine.”

 

The Favourite

the-favourite-movie-poster-( https://www.guidelondon.org.uk/blog/film/the-favourite-film-queen-anne-of-great-britain-and-ireland/ )

I was not too late, to this party!

Off to the cinema, I went.

Rachel Weisz – whom I have admired a great deal ever since The Mummy (1999).

Emma Stone – whom I have been a fan of ever since I first saw The Help (2011).

Olivia Coleman – whom I have followed (not literally) since Broadchurch (2013).

Put them together and you have a pretty amazing female cast! What more could you possibly want?

While I am British, I had zero knowledge of Queen Anne, other than she had once been the Queen – as stated in this film.

The trailer ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYb-wkehT1g ) had me gripped and amused from the first second I saw it and has every other time since.

The language within the film was more modern than I had expected and much more colourful! Sitting there watching it, I was glad I had gone alone. (It takes a lot to shock me, however, it takes very little to make my cheeks flush a bright red). I loved it.

I walked away with the thought, “Well, that was very odd.” And I still feel that “odd” is the best word to use, especially in regards to the ending.20190116_151804

I am still undecided on what I think to it. I have seen various videos on YouTube about how amazingly well it has been received and while I agree that the film was impeccably made and the performances top notch… I am not chomping at the bit to see it a second time. Although there are a couple of scenes with Rachel that I shall no doubt be Youtube-ing!

giphy( https://gph.is/2SwzFsT )

 

 

Bird Box

220px-bird_box_(film)( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird_Box_(film) )

I was late to the party, guys. I had such high hopes for this new Sandra Bullock and Sarah Paulson film that I put off watching it once I heard people’s bad reviews.

However, I finally watched it. As a means of distraction from a terrible day.

I watched it with my mum and fended off questions of “Why are they in a boat? Are they prisoners? Why are they ALL blindfolded?” with the answer, “I don’t know.” While genuinely not knowing why they were in a boat or why they were blindfolded. All I knew was what I had seen in the trailer
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPWMBITCudM ) and what I had heard other’s speak of.

I had heard people say, “they made it look better than it actually is” and “such and such a film is pretty much the exact same but done better.”

I liked it. I cannot say it is the best Sandra Bullock film ever made but I enjoyed it and the part she played was flawless.

I do feel the trailer was misleading in regards to the role of Sarah Paulson’s character  – I would have liked her to be in it a lot longer than she actually was.

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The general premise for Bird Box is something that I do feel has been done before. The Fog, The Thing and The Mist are what spring to my mind, however, I am sure there are more recent variations.

I found Bird Box to be watchable and enjoyable. I was entertained, I did not get bored and start hoping for the end (which happens a lot with me).

I think some people are maybe a little harsh with their words.

Perhaps my being a huge fan of both Sandra and Sarah makes me biased, but I enjoyed it and I would definitely watch it again.